Not invincible! What are you talking about?

One of the things I have come across on the various heart health forums I have joined is the sentiment of just wanting to go back to the life we led before. Whatever the condition or diagnosis or incident that brought us to where we are now, that profound wish to just go back to the life before is so real. The life that didn't have to deal with the huge emotional baggage that comes with the realisation that we are not in fact invincible. 

Facing any serious health condition with potential long-term implications can be a profound and deeply unsettling experience. The realisation that we are vulnerable and indeed not invincible comes as a huge shock and can be a stunning blow. It can and likely will fundamentally change your perception of both yourself and your future. 

Coming to terms with such news is incredibly difficult. It's not just about the physical symptoms or the medical treatments that you may need or even the medication you may now have to take. Your emotional welfare is just as significantly affected, if not more so initially.

So why? If you are like me, then there is a subconscious belief of our own resilience and the belief that we can tackle anything. A diagnosis about a serious health condition shatters this illusion, leading to feelings of vulnerability and fear.

So you feel grief and loss. You grieve for the life you envisioned, the one that wasn't filled with all the ramifications of your condition. You want to take back your previous sense of health. There can even be a perceived loss of independence. This can manifest as sadness, anger, denial, or a combination of these emotions.

It is possible your mind may play the blame game - “if only I had …” and you feel a sense of regret. But this is a very common human experience, because it is part of processing our emotions, acknowledging any sadness and trying to make sense of it all. It would be impossible not to make choices we might later wish we had done differently. We would not be human if we didn't. 

Then there is the anxiety and uncertainty. Questions about treatments, prognosis, quality of life, and the impact on loved ones can lead to significant anxiety.

 

There are the practical concerns. Worries about work, finances, and daily routines and these can add to the overall stress.

So how do we move forward now we know we are not invincible? I do know that acknowledging these feelings is important and it is normal to feel overwhelmed. I suppose that is one of the reasons I decided to write a blog. Is it helping? Yes, I really think it is 😊. Another important point for me is reminding myself I am not alone and there are so many of us out there going through the same multifaceted array of emotions. 

We may not be invincible, but we can strive to live our lives to the fullest, regardless of what obstacles we have to climb over to get there. 

Writing this has reminded me of a holiday we went on a few years ago. I have always wanted to do a European holiday by train and it was everything I hoped it would be. The hiccup came on the last leg of the journey when we took the sleeper train from Madrid to Paris. Now the journey was amazing and the gentle rocking of the train soon had me in slumber. Unfortunately when early morning came our train was delayed due to problems on the line and as the final leg of the journey was on Eurostar which was at a completely different station it was pretty frantic to try and get there in time. We were on holiday with some of our best friends which meant we couldn't all fit in one taxi so we had to take multiple taxis. We arrived just a few moments before our friends but also just a few minutes before the train was due to depart. Our friends loved to regale the story of how all they could see as they pulled up was me abandoning not only my hubby and our cases but also them and hurtling down the platform towards the front of the train. In my head the only thought I had was to stop the train from leaving at all costs 😳. Now how I was going to do this, well that hadn't actually entered my head 😄. I am pleased to say we all made it on to the train and a lovely time was had by all. It was only then that the thought of myself standing in front of the train, hands held out as if I was in fact invincible, forcing it to stop, came to mind. I still smile at the thought. I suppose what I am saying is we might not be invincible but we shouldn't ever stop trying to live the best life no matter what. 

Thanks for reading. Take care and a virtual hug to you all.