Fretters Unite

Well, I am going to say it - I would like to talk today about mental health, in particular anxiety and why society can find it so hard to accept that this is in fact a true and genuine condition. I think that part of the problem is that anxiety is primarily an internal state. Yes there can be some physical symptoms like fidgeting for example, but the core experiences of dread and catastrophic thoughts are invisible to others. I suppose It's a bit like trying to describe a dream that keeps changing – you can convey the basics, but not the feeling of being in it. This is because anxiety can raise the difficulty of self-expression. It creates a vicious cycle: the anxiety itself makes it harder to articulate thoughts, and the struggle to express yourself can, in turn, heighten anxiety. It's basically a tangled mess of thoughts and feelings inside, but the very act of trying to untangle them feels overwhelming or impossible. So what are these internal feelings that we are trying to ...

Today I would like to look at living with a health condition that is likely to have a long term effect on you and your future life. For me it mainly centres around my heart but I think the emotions evoked are the same for anyone who has any illness or any ailment affecting a person's well-being.  For me it started when I contracted pneumonia a number of years ago and had to be admitted to hospital. During my stay it was found I had numerous issues with my heart. To say I felt like a “rabbit caught in the headlights” was an understatement. That feeling of being caught off guard and unable to react. There was so much to process, where to start, what to do, the fear of what it meant for my future. There were just so many questions. I went through a myriad of feelings from anger - “why me’ and just wanting my old life back to being so overwhelmed I just wanted to sit in a corner and shut out the world, because then I could maybe pretend this wasn't happening.  I have been very lu...

As a member of a number of forums and help sites one word I come across a lot is the word “normal”. But it is usually associated with a feeling that because we have any sort of anxiety, be it social anxiety, panic attacks, health anxiety, GAD, OCD, the list can go on and on, then we are not normal. The Oxford dictionary defines "normal" as something usual, typical, or conforming to a standard.  According to research there an estimated 301 million people worldwide suffer with anxiety. And overall approximately 1 billion who suffer with some form of mental health issues.  And that doesn't include all those who suffer in silence for fear of judgment because they may worry about being judged or misunderstood, leading them to keep their experiences private and simply suffering in silence. The path that may have led us to our pain will differ for all of us but the consequences are precisely the same. Those feelings of being alone, the constant worrying, always waiting for the ...

I would like to chat today about dealing with emotional trauma or health-related challenges, and how this can profoundly impact a person's levels of anxiety. My own experience includes a long term heart health condition which began a few years ago and is still with me today. Although my story may not be the same as yours, I believe that the connection between anxiety and our overall wellbeing, both emotionally and physically, is the same.  The best way I can describe it, from my perspective, is like being on one of those giant ferris wheels that just go round and round constantly and only stop long enough to let someone off and a new person on. Only for anyone who suffers with their mental health it's not a person getting on and off the wheel, it's simply a new worry that takes up that space. The anxious thoughts that hinder our progress merely transform into a different form of anxiety once we believe we have settled the original disconcerting feelings. I am certain tha...

So as I have said before I started my blog to look at the emotional and physical connection between my anxiety and my heart health. But I also hope it will resonate with anyone who suffers with any sort of anxiety. In today's blog I would like to concentrate on the fallout of the fear and debilitation that anxiety causes. Anyone suffering with their mental health knows that even when it is acknowledged, it can be easily minimised or misunderstood by others, with common responses like "it's all in your head” or “you just need to snap out of it” or “you just have to try a bit harder”. Hmmm 🤔!  Luckily there are some brilliant forums out there where we can read about other people's experiences, where we can simply say “hello” and if we want, we can share our thoughts. Knowing someone else's experience of anxiety can provide a sense of relief and validation. For anyone suffering with both the physical and emotional symptoms, knowing that others have similar experie...

This might be a story you have heard in some version or other but wanted to share it to help try to explain why I decided to write a blog. The "Starfish Story," is attributed to Loren Eiseley. It is part of his 1969 essay titled "The Star Thrower".  A young girl was walking along a beach upon which hundreds of starfish had been washed up during a terrible storm. When she came to each starfish, she would pick it up, and throw it back into the ocean. People watched her with bafflement and amusement. She had been doing this for some time when an old man approached her and said, “Little girl, why are you doing this? Look at this beach! You can’t save all these starfish. You can’t begin to make a difference!” The girl seemed crushed, suddenly deflated. But after a few moments, she bent down, picked up another starfish, and hurled it as far as she could into the ocean. Then she looked up at the man and replied, “Well, if I can save only one starfish then it was worth it” ...

Not sure how someone starts a blog but thought I would start with telling you a bit about me and why I have decided to start mine.  So I am a 62 year old woman, with a pretty special hubby, I am a proud mum to a beautiful daughter, a great son in law and I am a grandma to 2 funny and amazing kids. (No bias here of course ☺️). But one of the biggest things about me is that I suffer from horrendous and often debilitating anxiety. The last few years have been pretty challenging. On a practical front - hubby and I live with a somewhat unappreciative and demanding elderly relative and have another in a care home who has dementia and an alcohol problem. Then from an emotional front I have a number of health issues mainly around my heart so let's just say most days I ride a rollercoaster of emotions and logistics. One of my friends recently said I should write a book and when I mentioned this to one of cardiology nurses she said she had the perfect title - I should simply call it “ It...