Fretters Unite

I sometimes think that anxiety is a bit like having an itch. You don’t notice it at first, it's like a tiny whisper on the skin. But the moment you think about it, the need to scratch it becomes all consuming. But then the more you think of it the more it spreads. Soon you have itches everywhere! In the same way one anxious thought “scratches” at another, and then suddenly your whole body is on high alert for any form of discomfort. It’s not the original itch that overwhelms you, but the attention you give it, that's what turns it from a whisper into a roar. Scratching soothes for a moment, but in the long run it just worsens the irritation. The skin reddens, it's now tender and sore, and the itch returns, only this time it's even angrier and prone to more intense itching.  Now scratching is reactive. It’s the body’s way of saying “do something!” But unfortunately when it comes to anxiety, that reactive action causes your fear to spiral, and before you know it a singl...

Are you like me, where you are often so focused on other people's needs that you forget about your own? The overwhelming urgency to put others' needs first can cause us to lose our own way. For a person already grappling with emotional distress, this can lead to a downward spiral that's hard to escape.  The connection between anxiety and people-pleasing is powerful. These behaviors are frequently a coping mechanism to manage the intense and uncomfortable feelings of anxiety we would feel if we were in the situation they are in.  It could also be rooted in a deep-seated fear of negative outcomes, which can lead to a consistent pattern of prioritizing others' needs over our own. These behaviors can be even more prevalent to anyone suffering from social anxiety, where an individual struggles with intense concern over how they're viewed. Learning to accept that it's impossible to make everyone happy is a crucial step in breaking this cycle. This can be difficult, bu...

Anticipation is a powerful and deeply human emotion. It’s the feeling that arises when we look ahead, sometimes with hope, sometimes with foreboding. But it is based on our thoughts toward something that hasn’t yet happened. It's a feeling that should usually be fleeting, just popping into your mind about an upcoming event for example. But for those living with a long-term health condition anticipation becomes a constant companion. It can surface before medical appointments, test results, treatment changes, or even daily tasks that might be affected by fluctuating symptoms. While for a lot of people, anticipation can bring moments of joy, like the hope of a good day or the possibility of progress, it can also be a significant source of anxiety for anyone susceptible to emotional distress. When the future feels uncertain or potentially negative, the mind may spiral, imagining worst-case scenarios or fearing setbacks . This emotional tension, which according to the experts is known ...

I know I have mentioned before about why writing in my journal is important to me but I wanted to expand on this. And this time I want to talk about how I feel that posting and responding on some of the great forums, groups and communities out there can help too. You may want to shy away from posting something when you feel that there isn't a clear answer anyone can give you but sharing our feelings, even when the answer is complex and may be hard for a non professional to answer is still so important. It is a fundamental part of the human experience.  Firstly do not underestimate the simple power of sharing. The act of opening up and getting those feelings out is a profound form of emotional release. It is when we hold things in, and “try to be strong” that they can feel overwhelming and all consuming. But vocalizing these feelings is like taking a deep breath and letting go of just a little bit of that angst you feel inside. Seeing it in front of you, instead of just in your mind...

I have previously talked about our caregivers and how amazing they are. So I thought today I would like to chat in more detail about my heart health journey and the effect it has on my family. When I started this journey a few years ago I don't think I appreciated the implications on them. I suppose it's like that ripple in a pond that just gets further and further out the more the water is disturbed. I am adapting to the physical limitations and trying to find ways to make those more manageable, but the emotional weight is so much heavier. My anxiety makes me feel responsible for their worry, and that burden feels far heavier than any physical one. Though I know my health issues aren't a conscious choice I made, I also know it affects more than just me and that's a very difficult reality to accept. I used the context of the ripple effect because the original diagnosis was the stone splashing in the water that started it all.. The event that directly impacted me. The m...

I don't know if this is something you can resonate with but I often struggle with the urge to over-explain things. It's as if I have this deep need to be fully heard, so I keep repeating myself in different ways, almost uncontrollably. I'm starting to think this behavior is a way of trying to soothe my own anxieties about being misunderstood.  Now I do know that this urge to be heard isn't about seeking praise. I am very much someone who is more than happy to stand back and allow others to seek the glory. So why do I get so engaged in being able to contribute something to a situation , that the excitement takes over and I become so focused on trying to ensure that my message gets through and is understood.  I think it is because when you can successfully help someone, it can lift your spirits and validate that you can make a difference. And I think that's a really crucial and important point when it comes to anyone who suffers with any form of anxiety. Why? Because ...

When I was diagnosed with pneumonia a few years ago I never could have imagined the ramifications of what would unfold following this diagnosis. That was when I was told that I had a long term heart condition that actually dated back to a childhood illness. Let's just say this was somewhat devastating and was the start of a monumental roller coaster ride of emotions that I am still riding today. Most crucially coming to terms with the “new me”. Now I would be lying if I didn't say there were times when I wished I could go back, to the time when I didn't know any of this and I was living my carefree life without any of this knowledge but ultimately that is not why I am writing this post today.  So let me explain more .... Finding out I had pneumonia was an unsettling moment, but one I assumed would pass with a hospital stay and some rest and recovery. What I didn’t anticipate was the cascade that followed. That diagnosis became the doorway to something far more life-alterin...

Anxiety is not a new phenomenon. While the specific diagnoses and the language used to describe it may have changed over the years, the experience itself has been around a very long time. So why is it still one of the most misunderstood conditions? Now it is perfectly natural to feel temporary feelings of anxiety in certain circumstances but this differs significantly when it is diagnosed as a clinical disorder. In this blog I would like to explore a feeling many of us know too well: the notion that a period of improvement is a failure if old feelings return. Unlike a physical illness like the flu for example, which you can cure and then be done with, anxiety is often a chronic fluctuating condition. So instead of trying to eliminate it completely, we might try to manage it like a long standing condition such as asthma. Some times will be good, others will be bad, and the goal should be to try to handle as efficiently as possible the circumstances that cause the ups and downs so we c...

When it comes to asking questions about a heart health condition, the prospect can seem such a daunting task. Knowing where to begin can be the hardest part. Worrying that you might miss a crucial piece of information that you need to know. It isn't like asking how your new TV works. This is a subject so complex and unique to you that the need to know everything can feel overwhelming.  Basically you are venturing into a new uncertain and unfamiliar area of your health journey. You feel the need to be both proactive and persistent in seeking out everything you need to know. Especially when the condition may not be easily explained in just one appointment. It's common when you are diagnosed to start to feel a new or sudden symptom that you've never experienced before. You worry there could be underlying symptoms that may affect other aspects of your health or that don't appear to fit with how you used to feel. The feelings of frustration, anxiety, and a sense of being ...