The Value of Values: Why Your Personal Compass Matters


I had a brilliant therapist recently and one of the things he asked me to do was create a list of core values. 

Not based on my past but on the future me. If I could clear the slate and start again, what were the values I would like to live by? He asked me to choose the values that weren't limited or influenced by past experiences. Instead choose ones that I could give measurable goals to. 

Easy I thought! Till I tried to put pen to paper! My first attempt was a bit of a reality check. I realised, (with my therapist's help). that I'd actually listed my instant desires and to be honest quite a few centered around what I thought I should want, not the fundamental values I wanted to live by.

The problem with including “should” is that what I was picking was not what genuinely inspired me so if I wanted to be able to have quantifiable goals to match my values then they had to resonate with the inner me and bring meaning to my life. (Wow, I impressed myself with that sentence😆) 

My next list - hmm! I was so consumed this time with trying to get the "perfect" list so I could impress the therapist, that all I ended up actually doing was writing things down only to keep crossing it off the list🫣

It was only by my third attempt that I realised there was no “right or wrong” answer because these were my values, the only person they really mattered to and needed to resonate with was me. 

So I thought about what truly mattered to me and I suppose what would give my life meaning and my list was created. So this is me ☺️
I have to say I was rather sceptical about how effective this list would be but now I can see that this process has helped me to see the person I want to be. And that's the crucial bit for me - “who I want to be”. Oh, I am not there yet but when I am having a really bad day, I can look at my list, pick a couple of things from it and try to put them into practice.  

I'm learning to be patient with my progress. I know it's a journey, not a quick fix, and even though I have setbacks I will keep striving to move forward.

One of my values is “fun” and my measurable goal is to have a little dance. 

Am not sure how it started but my hubby and I have built up quite a repertoire of silly dances, we have the “going out for the day” dance, the "good luck” dance, the “chippy tea” dance and even the “embarrass the grandkids” dance. 

So not long after I made my list it was a Friday night and we were treating ourselves to fish and chips. So what else could we do but the “chippy tea” dance while we got out the plates and cutlery etc in readiness for our delivery. 

Now we had been doing this for a couple of minutes when we looked up and realised we were slap bang in front of the kitchen window and there were our neighbours stood in their garden watching the whole thing 🫣. 

We do still dance around the kitchen but do try to do it away from the window now 😆.


If you’d like more gentle encouragement, here are two related posts:

The Secret Operating System: The Odd Little Rituals That Keep Us Sane

The Middle of the Muddle: Finding Tiny Shifts When Life Feels Foggy

Thanks for reading and a virtual hug to you all. 




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