The ripple effect


I have previously talked about our caregivers and how amazing they are. So I thought today I would like to chat in more detail about my heart health journey and the effect it has on my family. When I started this journey a few years ago I don't think I appreciated the implications on them. I suppose it's like that ripple in a pond that just gets further and further out the more the water is disturbed. I am adapting to the physical limitations and trying to find ways to make those more manageable, but the emotional weight is so much heavier. My anxiety makes me feel responsible for their worry, and that burden feels far heavier than any physical one. Though I know my health issues aren't a conscious choice I made, I also know it affects more than just me and that's a very difficult reality to accept.

I used the context of the ripple effect because the original diagnosis was the stone splashing in the water that started it all.. The event that directly impacted me. The moment that stone hit the water, it created ripples that eventually reached everyone nearby. For every obstacle I've overcome, a new ripple has been waiting just behind it.

So the emotional and practical impact on my family has continued to grow with each new revelation. Not only am I navigating a new and uncertain landscape but they are too and it is this that I struggle with the most. 
For example, my heart condition is limiting the time I spend with my grandchildren, and I resent the impact it's having on our time we can spend together (and would like to think they miss Nanny time too ☺️).

It's hard for me to see my daughter having to be strong for me. As her mom, I feel like that role should be the other way around.

As for my poor long suffering hubby who has done so much to support me, well I'd love to take some of that pressure off him.

I know for a fact they're happy to be my support system and wouldn't want it any other way. My challenge is to find a way I can navigate the emotional distress I feel on their behalf so it doesn't weigh me down so much.

I am getting there slowly. My journal really helps me, I can pour my emotions into it and that in turn allows me to then articulate my fears and anxieties with my family in a way that is constructive and I know this helps them understand better where my emotions are and does actually bring us closer.

My family knows how much I appreciate them and how grateful l am to have such a brilliant family. My husband has shared that offering me practical support is a way for him to process everything—it's how he feels he's truly making a difference. And that helps a lot. 

I'm also working on reframing my thinking to see things from their perspective. I know that if any one of them were in my shoes, I wouldn't hesitate to help them through their own struggles without a moment's hesitation. 

Oh and the extra cuddles I get when I do see my grandchildren is always a bonus ☺️. 
 
I hope by sharing my feelings it can offer a source of comfort for anyone who's struggling with the feeling that they're a burden to their family and friends. I want to say to anyone suffering that that feeling couldn't be more wrong. Please know that the burden you feel because of your love for them is mirrored in their love for you. They are there for you because they want to be

Surprisingly there is a lovely silver lining to my story that makes me smile each time I think about it. 

Besides my blog, I also like to use forums to connect with people in similar situations to myself. It is very important to me to offer help if I can to others who are going through similar struggles. I find a lot of purpose in trying to give back in the best way I can. Through this I was honoured to become a British Heart Foundation 'Heart Star' on Healthunlocked. I feel both humbled and deeply gratified to have been offered this accreditation. It may only be a small thing but it has given me a new sense of purpose by allowing me to make some meaningful contributions to my fellow members of the community. The support and pride from my family have also provided significant reassurance and helped alleviate my anxiety. 


 As always virtual hugs to you all 🤗
I will have a new post soon. 

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