The armor you never asked for!

Have you ever wondered how some people can carry anxiety like a feather? A momentary rush of adrenaline that brushes past, then floats away. Basically a wave that crests and breaks, leaving calm in its wake.

But for so many others, (like me and maybe you) it is not just a passing whisper but a constant state of being. It feels like a coat of armor, heavy, unchosen, clinking with every breath, a constant weight on the chest. With a mind that is in a state of perpetual vigilance, a nervous system locked on high alert for a danger that may never arrive. A fortress I suppose that is not built from choice but from a deep-seated need to protect ourselves, yet it is that very fortress that can end up isolating us from the world we are trying to navigate.

We often hold back because we’ve learned that being open about emotional pain makes us look vulnerable. It’s not that we consciously choose to hide it. Instead it's because we absorb what society says is ‘normal,’ and anything outside that gets quietly pushed aside. 

But here's the most crucial point: Anxiety doesn't mean broken or not normal. It simply means our bodies are listening too closely, often for too long, like an old alarm system that can’t tell the difference between a flickering light and a real threat. It's a primal, misfiring response that is trying to keep us safe. When you feel overwhelmed it’s simply your nervous system letting you know it's been carrying too much for too long.

Let's face it, mental health gets a bad press! Even today, there can be a misguided belief you should just tough it out.

My aim with this post isn't to solve the worldwide stigma around this subject. Let's face it, that would take a miracle!

However, I want to explore how we can help each other on a personal level. Even at this stage, it's not easy, as one of the biggest hurdles is accepting that we, a family member, or a friend may be struggling with anxiety in its various forms.

We heal not by the notion that we need to be fixed, but just by being seen for who we are. The greatest support is not a solution, but a quiet, steady presence that allows us to feel safe and accepted.

By saying, “I see you. I’ve felt that too. Let’s do this together,” we offer more than comfort. We offer solidarity. We remind each other that anxiety is not a personal failure, but a shared human experience. That the ache in our chest, the racing thoughts, the need to retreat, they’re not signs of weakness, but signals asking for care.

When we stop trying to rescue people and instead relate to them, we share the burden and cut it in half. By gently unmasking the silence that surrounds mental health we help each other feel seen and less alone.

You don't need to start your journey face to face. There are some brilliant online groups out there such as Anxiety UK and Healthunlocked as well as many others where you can talk about your feelings in a safe place without the pressure of having to explain everything all at once. 

I know it may seem so scary but one of the most powerful tools we all have in us is to speak up because it gives courage to others. It doesn't have to be a public declaration. It can be as simple as telling a trusted friend, "I've been feeling really anxious lately and I want to talk about it.".

And if someone has the courage to talk to you about their pain, a great way to start a conversation is as simple as "Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. I'm here for you. How can I help?"

Every conversation, every act of compassion, helps to move mental health out of the shadows and into the light, lessening the burden for everyone.

Writing this has reminded me of a manager I worked with a number of years ago who most definitely was in the *Feather” category. The organisation I worked for was a non profit housing entity. Because of the nature of the organisation, grievances and complaints were usually a daily occurrence. And the requirement to try and resolve these complaints usually sat with the management tier. Resolving them could be challenging, as they often stemmed from a range of interconnected issues—many of which centred around people’s homes and personal environments. Now the manager in question devised an innovative approach to handling the less serious or minor complaints. He recorded each item on a sticky note and positioned them around his monitor. Any note still present after two to three days signaled a need for action, prompting him to remove it and initiate a resolution process. If however the poor note had dropped off, well I am sad to say it usually ended up in the bin! I once asked him about this rather unconventional system. He explained that when a complaint was minor, most customers simply wanted a moment to vent—to get it off their chest. More often than not, the original issue would quietly resolve itself. Remarkably, many of those discarded missives did just that.

So this is me saying “I suffer with anxiety that can be so crippling at times. But I am going to stand tall and proud”. Want to come and join me? 

Thanks for reading and virtual hugs to you all.