Head and Heart
For me it started when I contracted pneumonia a number of years ago and had to be admitted to hospital. During my stay it was found I had numerous issues with my heart. To say I felt like a “rabbit caught in the headlights” was an understatement. That feeling of being caught off guard and unable to react. There was so much to process, where to start, what to do, the fear of what it meant for my future. There were just so many questions. I went through a myriad of feelings from anger - “why me’ and just wanting my old life back to being so overwhelmed I just wanted to sit in a corner and shut out the world, because then I could maybe pretend this wasn't happening.
I have been very lucky over the past couple of years in that I have the most amazing cardiologist and specialist team at the hospital and my own doctor is very supportive but that doesn't take away the crippling anxiety that never quite leaves me. Questions about my health and unhelpful thoughts pop up all the time, like a revolving conveyor belt, only instead of prizes to be won they are worries that pile on top of each other. Even if one eventually falls off the end another one simply takes its place.
There is no doubt that time has helped, when coming to terms with all the ramifications of what the future might hold. I am a few years in and still on my journey. I have had various surgeries including open heart surgery but there are still some major decisions to be made going forward and, yes, sometimes that thought can bring me to my knees 😕. Because we live in a world now where every nugget of information is so easily at hand through search engines and social media this can actually feed the anxiety and make it far worse😵💫.
Getting an accurate answer is more important than getting a quick answer. So if I could give one piece of advice it would be that the next time your hand hovers over that search button, stop 🚫. Instead make a journal of every single question and thought that pops in your head and when you attend any appointments, you can settle in and ask the specialist who will give you informed and accurate answers.
For today's peak through the clouds I would like to tell you about a story from my childhood. One day I was out with my dad in our camper van and we came to a crossroads. I can't remember which way we were turning but my dad indicated and off we went. I turned to him and asked “Daddy, how does the indicator know which way we want to go🤔”. He smiled at me and told me that it was just luck and whichever way it indicated, well that would be the way he would go😃. So I asked “but what if it indicates the wrong way🫣” and his answer was that it would just take us a bit longer to get where we were going 😄. Now I was very young at the time but I used to marvel at how the indicator always seemed to know just where we needed to go for many years ☺️.
Now, this was a bit of harmless fun with my dad and still makes me chuckle to this day. But when it comes to our health, well that's a whole different thing. Knowing the most accurate facts is what will help keep us on the right path.
Thanks for reading. Take care and a virtual hug to you all.
