Don't hold back what's inside

I know I have mentioned before about why writing in my journal is important to me but I wanted to expand on this. And this time I want to talk about how I feel that posting and responding on some of the great forums, groups and communities out there can help too.

You may want to shy away from posting something when you feel that there isn't a clear answer anyone can give you but sharing our feelings, even when the answer is complex and may be hard for a non professional to answer is still so important. It is a fundamental part of the human experience. 

Firstly do not underestimate the simple power of sharing. The act of opening up and getting those feelings out is a profound form of emotional release. It is when we hold things in, and “try to be strong” that they can feel overwhelming and all consuming. But vocalizing these feelings is like taking a deep breath and letting go of just a little bit of that angst you feel inside. Seeing it in front of you, instead of just in your mind, can help us process and objectify what's happening on the inside (I know, even I was impressed with that sentence 😆). 

Sharing also helps provide validation. When we write how we feel and someone hears us and interacts, it makes our experience feel real and legitimate. This affirmation can be incredibly reassuring, especially when we're struggling to understand our own emotions. It confirms that what we're feeling is okay and our emotions are valid and nothing to hide.

Lastly, it can be an act of reaching out for a connection. Even when you know there may not be a simple answer or even a “one solution fits all” answer it just helps to know you are not alone. So when you post something and get a response like "I hear you" or "I'm sorry you're feeling this way" it can be so impactful. It may even just be someone clicking the like button on your post but It bridges the gap between feeling scared and isolated and feeling seen and supported. 

For me when responding to a post like this, my goal isn't to solve the problem, often this is not necessarily what the person who wrote the post is looking for. My aim is to provide a connection and support to them directly. 

Your response can be as simple as "It takes a lot to put that out there, please know I hear you." Let them know that it's normal to feel this way and to need to talk about it. This can make them feel more comfortable and accepted.

You don't have to have a similar experience, to express care. So if you want to connect with someone who has put their feelings out there, a good response could be "I can't imagine what that feels like, but I'm sending you a lot of support”. This will have an incredible impact because it will validate their feelings of fear or sadness.

And if you're thinking of posting something, then don't let feelings of doubt stop you. Share your thoughts, no matter how small they seem and you might be surprised by the responses you get.

Now I would offer a word of caution: Be selective about the communities and groups you join. Seek out those that provide genuine, positive feedback. If you find yourself in an unsupportive environment, don't hesitate to leave and focus your energy on the groups that will truly help you grow.

Many many years ago, an organisation I worked in had departments and roles that were predominantly assigned by gender. This wasn't a formal policy, but rather just a structure that had evolved over time, reflecting the social norms of that era.

One of my colleagues always had a yearning to branch out and "cross that boundary line” to work in a department predominantly male orientated. She eventually confided these feelings to a few of us who worked with her. What stuck with me was her sadness that she felt that neither department would understand this desire and she felt it was just not a direction she could go in. We never made her feel silly for having this dream and over time we all encouraged her to look at how she could reach this goal and the obstacles she may have to overcome. Now none of us knew what would actually be involved in allowing her to do this i.e. qualifications required, stereotypical barriers she may have to face but we did encourage her to approach the department manager and ask the way forward. Now I would love to say it was plain sailing once she had done this but of course that isn't the way of life. But knowing she had support behind her she persevered and though it took a while to achieve her goal she did get there. I will always be glad that even in the tiniest way I may have helped her on her journey. 

Reach out when you need to. Someone will be there to hold your hand.

Virtual hugs to you all. Take care