Say it once and stop

I don't know if this is something you can resonate with but I often struggle with the urge to over-explain things. It's as if I have this deep need to be fully heard, so I keep repeating myself in different ways, almost uncontrollably. I'm starting to think this behavior is a way of trying to soothe my own anxieties about being misunderstood. 

Now I do know that this urge to be heard isn't about seeking praise. I am very much someone who is more than happy to stand back and allow others to seek the glory. So why do I get so engaged in being able to contribute something to a situation, that the excitement takes over and I become so focused on trying to ensure that my message gets through and is understood. 

I think it is because when you can successfully help someone, it can lift your spirits and validate that you can make a difference. And I think that's a really crucial and important point when it comes to anyone who suffers with any form of anxiety. Why? Because having anxiety isn't a choice and it is hard to control your own emotions. Therefore if you can be an anchor for someone else where you can view their situation from a distance, without the overwhelming emotional weight you carry for your own struggles it can become imperative that they hear what you are trying to say. The need to stop them feeling the pain and struggle you feel can be overwhelming. 

When you live with anxiety, your own feelings can feel uncontrollable. But when you see someone else struggling, it's different. You're looking on from a distance and the chaos you know so well has a new context. Basically we can see the situation unburdened by our own emotional weight.

This clarity creates an intense drive. I suppose I feel like my anxiety has given me a “superpower”of sorts. The ability to recognise the struggle and pain in others on an intense level. I feel empathy with what they're going through, and I want to help them navigate this difficult time to a point of safety that maybe they are struggling to find. 

I think this is why the excitement takes over. It's not about being praised, it's about a need to make a difference. I believe I am not just offering advice, I am offering the very anchor I wish I had for myself. 

Now I understand a bit more why I do it, my perspective is changing (albeit slowly according to my long suffering hubby ☺️). I am starting to realise that truly powerful advice is simple and straightforward. I suppose a good way to describe it for myself is to think of a flower that takes time to grow, yes it needs water and sunlight to help it grow but it doesn't need to be deluged by them to flourish. My satisfaction will come from simply watching the flower grow. 

This reminds me of when I was a little girl and I 
I was one of those kids who was absolutely 
obsessed with Christmas (still am if I am honest 🤭). I am not sure what age I was but one particular year, I was so excited I thought I might just explode. On Christmas Eve, I just couldn't settle and was so full of anticipation of the next day that I kept running in and out of my parents' room every few minutes. My dad, bless his heart, decided to try a creative parenting technique. He snuck outside our bungalow, armed with some jingle bells. The plan? A little theatrical jingle that would hopefully convince me Santa was on his way, and I'd be so thrilled I would finally drift off to sleep. That's when the plan backfired. As soon as I heard those bells I knew exactly what to do. I grabbed my dad's hand and pulled him right out the back door. His grand plan didn't get me into bed, instead it got him a front-row seat to a very cold garden. We stood out there for quite a while, let me tell you. I was searching the sky for a flying reindeer and my poor dad was probably questioning his choice of action. Let's just say he was somewhat tired the next day while I was full of beans and excitement. It's safe to say that those bells stayed on the shelf the next year. 
So here's to all us “anxiety superheroes”. We can make a difference one step at a time. 
Thanks for reading and a virtual hug to you all. 


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