Original V's Updated

When I was diagnosed with pneumonia a few years ago I never could have imagined the ramifications of what would unfold following this diagnosis. That was when I was told that I had a long term heart condition that actually dated back to a childhood illness. Let's just say this was somewhat devastating and was the start of a monumental roller coaster ride of emotions that I am still riding today. Most crucially coming to terms with the “new me”. Now I would be lying if I didn't say there were times when I wished I could go back, to the time when I didn't know any of this and I was living my carefree life without any of this knowledge but ultimately that is not why I am writing this post today. 

So let me explain more ....

Finding out I had pneumonia was an unsettling moment, but one I assumed would pass with a hospital stay and some rest and recovery. What I didn’t anticipate was the cascade that followed. That diagnosis became the doorway to something far more life-altering. The discovery of my long-standing heart condition. 

It was devastating. Not just the medical reality, but the emotional toll that came with it. Since then, I’ve ridden a topsy turvy ride of feelings from grief, resilience, disbelief, and slow acceptance. And the hardest part was learning to meet and make peace with the “new me. As I said, there have been times over the last few years where I have longed to rewind. To return to the version of myself who lived blissfully unaware, untethered by medical terms and timelines.

Now at this point, I would like to say, I am deeply grateful for the exceptional care I've received from my amazing cardiology team. I know I'm one of the fortunate ones. Yet, this doesn't erase the frustration and overwhelming sense of loss that comes with each new diagnosis I receive. 

I have had several hospital stays and procedures since my journey began, and after each one, I hoped it would be the last. But it has been like peeling an onion—unfortunately every layer I removed revealed another one underneath. This all led to me having open-heart surgery and a pacemaker fitted last November. So, when I discovered yet more issues following this, it was somewhat disheartening, to say the least.

But then, a bit like a “light bulb moment" I realised something profound. My diagnosis had actually become the key to unlocking a new me. It had forced me to make major changes to my life, leading to me losing a significant amount of weight and transforming from a couch potato to someone who walks three miles every day. I've even bought a treadmill, which I use most days.  (I know, right 😆). But you see, now I see someone in the mirror I'm proud of—a person who wouldn't exist without that original diagnosis.

It goes without saying that at times I want both worlds, and the fear of what's to come is always present. But perhaps this was the jolt I needed to start living for today and valuing the life I've been given.

It made me think that getting a diagnosis about a heart health condition is a bit like playing your favourite online game. You are happily going along playing it in the same way every time and then you suddenly hit an “update required” notification. It will no longer let you play the game until you download the latest version, so you install the update, but then you worry that your old device may not handle the new software like it used to. Will things start to glitch and will your gameplay change! It is only when you hit that button and obtain the latest version that you find the new game brings a whole new exciting dimension to your gameplay, with more to do and a whole host of new goodies to discover. So come and join me on this whole new exciting journey and let's get through this together ❤️

Thanks for reading and a virtual hug to you all.