The intricacies of Anxiety

Anxiety is not a new phenomenon. While the specific diagnoses and the language used to describe it may have changed over the years, the experience itself has been around a very long time. So why is it still one of the most misunderstood conditions?

Now it is perfectly natural to feel temporary feelings of anxiety in certain circumstances but this differs significantly when it is diagnosed as a clinical disorder.

In this blog I would like to explore a feeling many of us know too well: the notion that a period of improvement is a failure if old feelings return. Unlike a physical illness like the flu for example, which you can cure and then be done with, anxiety is often a chronic fluctuating condition. So instead of trying to eliminate it completely, we might try to manage it like a long standing condition such as asthma. Some times will be good, others will be bad, and the goal should be to try to handle as efficiently as possible the circumstances that cause the ups and downs so we can live with the situation as best we can. 

It's impossible to live a life that doesn't contain stress and unpredictability. From conflict with a loved one, to (as in my case) a physical health issue there are triggers, causing anxiety symptoms to flare up again. Even just a change in sleep patterns can push us closer to those anxious feelings. 

The instinct that we have taken a drastic step back when anxiety flares up can be from a mindset that (because of the anxiety symptoms) sees only extremes. In other words “all or nothing” thinking. But if we look at it as we would a long term health condition then in reality it's just a flare-up. You haven't lost the skills you've learned, you just need to re-apply them in this new situation.

As I understand it, "all or nothing" thinking is a classic cognitive distortion used to describe irrational or biased ways of thinking. This thinking ignores the gray area of progress, which is where most of life happens. The anxiety makes it easy to forget all the progress you have actually made. Those good days, the times you used your coping skills, the moments you pushed through your discomfort—they all get overshadowed by the current feeling of dread.

The feeling of anxiety is an incredibly strong emotional memory. So when you feel those familiar sensations your brain can quickly recall the full-blown anxiety response, making it feel like you've regressed. We feel disappointed because what we are really looking for is a guarantee that we won't feel bad again. I wish I could give you a magical solution or formula that would help but that's just not possible. So instead we could try reframing the experience from failure to simply fluctuation. 

Remind yourself of the skills you have learned and the progress you have made. You're not back at square one, you're just facing a new challenge so remember the coping skills you have learned and have a go at re-engaging them. You may need to adapt them a bit to get where you want to be but that's ok. Ultimately, it's the commitment to doing your best that truly counts.

One way to think about it is like snakes and ladders, a classic board game that combines luck and simple strategy. The objective is to be the first player to move a game piece from the starting square to the final square. The player's progress is determined by the roll of a single dice. If a player's piece lands on a square at the bottom of a ladder, they get a shortcut and move their piece up to the square at the top of the ladder, advancing their position on the board. But if a player lands on a square at the head of a snake, they must slide their piece down to the square at the snake's tail, moving backward on the board. Now the player has no control over the outcome of the dice roll or where they will land. Having two grandchildren I can't tell you how many times I have played this game and the times I have felt myself on the road to victory with the finish line just a few squares away, only to land on that dreaded snake. Occasionally this is just one snake after another! But I also remember the times when I have been so far back and yet somehow managed to work my way through the board to victory (much to the chagrin of of my granddaughter 😆). 

Now where did I put that board?? 

Thanks for reading and a virtual hug to you all.