Fretters Unite

I often see discussions on the forums I frequent about people regretting and lamenting past life decisions , especially those they feel have shaped their current circumstances in an undesirable way. They believe these decisions, whether physical or emotional, have negatively impacted their lives, and the resulting sadness and hopelessness are evident in their posts. Dealing with heart health issues myself, I've noticed these feelings are very widespread in the health forums I visit.  Am not sure if you have these feelings but I want to reassure you that they are not just "forum talk". They are actually a known psychological response to persistent illness. Living with a heart condition can increase feelings of anxiety and in turn the emotional stress of regret can have a negative impact on your heart health symptoms. This creates a difficult cycle - regret leads to stress, which can heighten symptoms, leading to more feelings of regret. I think we do it because we are tryi...

I have read quite a few posts on various health forums from family members, partners and friends of someone who has been through a heart trauma. And I have realised that they often feel as vulnerable and anxious as we do. The emotional impact extends far beyond the person who has received the diagnosis. But sometimes because we are focused on our emotional turmoil we may not always fully appreciate our loved ones' sense of helplessness and fear.  They too can have a feeling of powerlessness. They have to witness our physical and emotional pain while struggling with their own feelings. And likely just don't know how to help fix the underlying problem. They may feel like they are standing on the sidelines watching events unfold without knowing how to participate. They're in a difficult position, caught between their own feelings and the pain they see us enduring. This can leave them feeling high and dry.   They too are living with the constant worry of a relapse, a new comp...

Dealing with a long-term health condition can be overwhelming, and it's easy for anxiety to spiral. Even harder is learning to separate the facts of your condition from the thoughts you're having about it. The raft of emotions that comes with your diagnosis can be so overwhelming that the lines between facts and ruminations become blurred.  In today's world, where information is just a click away, it can be hard to separate good advice from unverified "facts". The internet can contain unsubstantiated information, making it difficult to separate fact from fiction . This in turn only amplifies the negative thoughts and anxieties that accompany a new diagnosis. So, in the words of the experts: a fact is a piece of information that's objectively true and can be proven. It's a statement about something that has happened or is known to exist. Facts are not opinions, which are personal beliefs or judgments, and they are foundational to fields like science, hist...

This might seem a strange thing to say but I sometimes feel life can be compared to a video game.  Why? Well, just like travelling through life, when you play a game that you have certain expectations for (i.e.winning) you can find yourself facing a much tougher challenge than you expected. When this happens, a personal victory can seem impossible. Now instead of giving up, you might need to change your strategy, adjust your goals, switch tactics, or even accept that some challenges are simply about doing the best you can with the resources you have. Easy words to say, but this can be so hard for anyone who suffers with any form of emotional distress. Because we have a tendency to overthink, ruminate and our problem solving skills are significantly reduced when we are in a stressful situation.  While it's common to second-guess yourself when you feel distress, especially when the going gets tough you still find yourself wondering if you were too bold or if you should have held...

I had a brilliant therapist recently and one of the things he asked me to do was create a list of core values. Not based on my past but on the future me. If I could clear the slate and start again, what were the values I would like to live by? He asked me to choose the values that weren't limited or influenced by past experiences. Instead choose ones that I could give measurable goals to.  Easy I thought! Till I tried to put pen to paper! My first attempt was a bit of a reality check. I realised, (with my therapist's help). that I'd actually listed my instant desires and to be honest quite a few centered around what I thought I should want, not the fundamental values I wanted to live by. The problem with including “should” is that what I was picking was not what genuinely inspired me so if I wanted to be able to have quantifiable goals to match my values then they had to resonate with the inner me and bring meaning to my life. (Wow, I impressed myself with that sentence😆...

This is a phrase that I am sure you have heard often, especially when connected to both your mental and/or physical health. But let's face it, without any context these are just words. How do we interpret them into practical actions that will help get us to where we want to be?  I have intentionally used the word “want” because taking that first step when you think it is something you “should do” or “have been told to do” will be so much more difficult. It makes it more overwhelming without a clear path forward. It often feels like a giant, undefined task. But the desire to feel better, physically and emotionally can be a profound internal motivator. When that desire is genuine , it can fuel your motivation and help you overcome challenges. No amount of external pressure from doctors or even family can compare to your inner drive. This is the difference between doing something because you have to and doing it because you want to. It can transform your goals from a chore into a jour...

I recently discovered something that's been a real eye-opener for me. You may already be aware of this, but it turns out there's a phenomenon for the “fear of feeling happy”. It's called Cherophobia! On a side note it is important for me to point out that this is not a formally recognised mental illness but because it involves a fear response and avoidance behaviors, it can be considered a type of anxiety disorder.  As I understand it is an irrational aversion to happiness, where you fear and subconsciously avoid putting yourself in situations that might bring you joyfulness. Why? Well because people with cherophobia often believe feeling happy will lead to negative consequences.  Am not sure if the following describes you, but in the last few years they certainly describe me: Struggling to feel comfortable with the concept of happiness. Downplaying any feelings of happiness or joy when I do experience them Feeling uneasy to accept any form of a compliment Actively engagi...

Any anxiety sufferer will tell you that some days are better than others. When I am having a particularly bad day and just can't articulate my feelings or describe what is going on inside me I feel like I am on one of those TV game shows from the 1980’s like “name that tune” where you had to guess the song from just a few notes or 3-2-1 where you had to try and work out the answer from the most bizarre clues. Only the contestants are not tested on their musical prowess or trivia knowledge, but on their ability to manage and overcome extreme stress.  It's like your brain is just throwing out clues about your stress, but you just can't connect them to the answer. You're left feeling frustrated and helpless, trying to figure out the rules of a game you never wanted to play in the first place.   Have you ever had a day that felt like this ?  So what would it look like?  Well from my point of view I think there would be a tiny host inside my brain and their role is almost...

My blog today is about that “well I didn't expect that” feeling. For me, in this instance, it was being able to hear my new mechanical mitral valve ticking following my open heart surgery. Now I can't say whether anyone mentioned this in the build up to the surgery but if they did I hadn't processed it or really comprehended what it would make me feel like to have this as a constant companion. It's particularly prevalent during the night when the house is so quiet. I want to put my fingers in my ears and sing “lalala”  But generally if you suffer from any form of anxiety or mental health condition the phrase “ well I didn't expect that ” can release a myriad of emotions. When a situation takes an unexpected turn it can leave you feeling vulnerable and off-kilter.  Anyone with anxiety will usually have a low tolerance for uncertainty. So the phrase shatters our feeling of being in control because to us it could lead to an unpredictable outcome and therefore underli...

I have mentioned before about the emotional turmoil we can all have and the constant state of not waiting for but expecting the other shoe to drop. It is something I struggle with a lot. Basically I am talking about the “I knew it” phenomenon.  I would like to chat about how we can unconsciously misinterpret situations in order to make them fit a certain perception. I believe this is especially profound when it comes to our health. For me, because I have long term and ongoing heart health issues it has caused me to have heightened sensitivity to what is happening in my body. The intrusive negative thoughts that pop into my head somehow turn into predictions that something's going to go wrong. I'm so hyper-aware of every little twinge, every little thud, every little sensation that I maybe haven't felt before that my mind is off and galloping towards that “I knew it” scenario. In other words these feelings become a self fulfilling prophecy.  It is like when you think abou...

If you are anything like me, you might find that your anxiety and emotional distress skyrocket when things don't go as planned. It can become an obsession to fix the problem right away. For me, I feel like my brain is short circuiting 😵 and the best way I can describe it is like the little exploding head emoji 🤯.   The need to find a solution can completely dominate my day, making it hard to focus on anything else. I become laser-focused on solving the problem, and I can't think about anything else until it's done. Now I know everyone likes to resolve issues but this is on a whole new level.  So the question is why? For a person who suffers with anxiety, why is the experience so much more severe? I know that one of my triggers is the sense of no longer being in control. And then there is the uncertainty of the outcome and the ability to only see a negative result to the situation. When trying to explain this to my husband I have even said that I feel like I am going ...

Today I would like to look at trying to cope with the constant anticipation that around every corner there will be some form of impending doom. Those “what if” scenarios that are a constant companion to anyone with any form of an emotional/mental health condition for whatever reason. For me they are usually around my heart health issues . But generally “what if' scenarios often become a harmful cycle of catastrophizing that can trap you in a spiral of worst-case outcomes and a feeling of impending doom. Anyone suffering with their mental health knows that a sudden thought can become an intrusive image and before you know it, that fleeting mental event has become a full-blown obsession that hijacks our attention and we start to ruminate constantly and overthink everything.  There's a plethora of information available on how to handle these feelings, and I am more than happy to leave that guidance to the professionals. But I would like to share a few things that help me. I am n...

Facing a serious medical condition (both physical and emotional) that could potentially change or impact your life's path is a profoundly difficult experience. Suddenly the feeling that your life is no longer going the way you thought it would can be hard to accept but that feeling is incredibly common and valid to anyone in that situation. It can be incredibly challenging and be a journey that involves physical, emotional, and practical adjustments.   The unpredictability and the potential you may have to adapt can take a significant toll. So I would like to chat about some of my coping mechanisms. Now these might not be for you and I don't think there are any definitive answers we can all put in place but this is just my contribution. Oh, don't get me wrong, when I first started on this journey the feelings of being alone, of being so scared, of obsessing over every twinge and sensation had me frozen in fear. Yes, I still suffer from ongoing anxiety but I am trying to sho...

Today's blog is about the cycle of medication we can find ourselves on when dealing with a health condition whether it is physical and/or emotional and the interactions these medications can have on each other and how that medication list may change on a regular basis.  Having the fortune to live in a time when there are some incredible medication resources available to us, well I think that makes us very lucky and I am beyond thankful for that. I will happily continue to be directed by the specialists in this field but it doesn't stop me from occasionally being overwhelmed. I will always be grateful that we get where we need to be through the diligence of our amazing health professionals but it can also make me smile and be frustrated in equal measures.  My blog is about the “merry-go-round" where you are prescribed the right medication only to find it may then need to be also balanced by a different dosage or a different medication.  I look at it like a bit like a maths...

One of the things I have come across on the various heart health forums I have joined is the sentiment of just wanting to go back to the life we led before. Whatever the condition or diagnosis or incident that brought us to where we are now, that profound wish to just go back to the life before is so real. The life that didn't have to deal with the huge emotional baggage that comes with the realisation that we are not in fact invincible.  Facing any serious health condition with potential long-term implications can be a profound and deeply unsettling experience. The realisation that we are vulnerable and indeed not invincible comes as a huge shock and can be a stunning blow. It can and likely will fundamentally change your perception of both yourself and your future.  Coming to terms with such news is incredibly difficult. It's not just about the physical symptoms or the medical treatments that you may need or even the medication you may now have to take. Your emotional welfa...